I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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