she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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