So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
