I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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