I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
