I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
