the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
