dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
