saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
