I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
