I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
