you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
