grandma shit on top of the toilet
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
