It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
