Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
