oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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