I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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