Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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