Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
