just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
