You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
