I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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