Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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