Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
