My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
