All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
