Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
