I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
