i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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