I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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