youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
nutella sex= disaster
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
