hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
