those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
