just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
