No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The dick lei will go down in squad history
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
