I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think my moral compass just broke
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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