I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
