sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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