Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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