This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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