My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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