if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
