twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize