so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
