what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
