im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
