Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i will never coherently bang her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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