you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
