Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
