Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize