i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
