just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
