im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
