i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
