but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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