we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
