So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
