the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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