If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
