My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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