Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
