she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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