Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
