That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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