the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
