My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize