So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He? As in you personified your dick?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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