By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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