She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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