I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
