yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
