Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
