i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize