I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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