I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
