I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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