By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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