I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I understand Curling. That high.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
