On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
