she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize