Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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