I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i think i just lost a toe
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