you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
