i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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