Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
