I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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