I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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