If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
