I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
