I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
