so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
