I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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