She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
