There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
