Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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