you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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