dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
